It’s my baby girls birthday today!

Today she turned 8.

I didn’t get to see her today. I didn’t get to hug her, hold her or squeeze the love into her with my giant hugs.

Today is also Good Friday and my kids are at their Dad’s.

One of the cons to co-parenting is that you have to split the important days and you have to be ok with that. I have to be ok with sharing their time with another family. I have to be ok with the possibility of not seeing them on their special days and on holidays.

I didn’t see my son on his birthday last month and now I am not seeing my daughter on hers. Co-parenting sucks.

My heart aches knowing that I’m not with her today. My heart aches knowing I won’t see her or any of them until Sunday afternoon.

I’m used to all the special days and all the holidays. I’m used to all the attention and all the love. I know we were taught to share in kindergarten, but those lessons don’t apply to sharing your babies as an adult.

This sharing business is for the birds and I hate it.

A’s Birth Story

8 years ago today, my daughter came into this world like the fierce little lion that she is today.

I went into labour around 7p the night before at my sons ball hockey game, my water broke, a slow trickle. I thought I had peed my pants. I was embarrassed, terrified and excited all at the same time. Terrified of the pain I was most certainly about to endure and the fact that my life will be entirely altered from this day forward and I was excited beyond belief to finally meet the second love of my life. I was now moments away from meeting my little girl.

Giving birth is like going on a blind date where you know you are going to meet the love of your life.

I was in labour for about 5 hours,  the pain was unreal. I was induced with my first, I had an epidural and delivered by c-section, so I was not prepared for the pain I was experiencing. I had opted for a natural delivery, so there would be no drugs for this chick, a decision I quickly regretted. I tried asking… more like demanded for drugs towards the end, but it was too late. I had come too far and there was no turning back now.

5 hours of active labour and 20 minutes of pushing. Those were the hardest and longest 5 hours and 20 minutes of my life.

She went straight from the womb and directly into my arms on my bare chest. The moment her skin touched mine I felt a surge of more love than I thought was humanly possible. She was here and she was just perfect. She had the deepest charcoal grey eyes, a full head of hair, full pouty lips and lashes most women would kill for. She barely cried. She just laid in my arms and looked at me with deep inquisitive eyes, full of love and curiosity.

The first 2 years of her life she was the most perfect, loving, kind and caring child I could have ever dreamed of. Seriously, she was an angel. She ate whatever I gave her, she slept, she potty trained early, she learned sign language to communicate, she barely cried, she was the definition of a perfect baby.

Then 2 years later her little brother came along and it alllll changed, but I will save that story for another day.

I can’t even express what this little girl has done for me. The love she has shown me, the bond we have. She has changed me in ways that neither of my boys will ever be able to. The bond between mother and daughter is a force to be reckoned with, not unlike her.

To my little mini-me, you are loved more than you will ever know and I hope that you are able to hold on to that love and strength when things get tough later in life. I hope you remember that, to us and more people than you will ever realise, you are the most incredible lady in the world and you will always hold a special place in all of our hearts. You were born with so much potential and we all can’t wait to watch you grow, develop and unfold into the unstoppable woman we know you will be some day.

You, my lady, are capable of wonderful and incredible things.

I can’t wait to see you blossom.

I love you more than you will ever know and more than words can even express.

Happy birthday my little peanut. My little love. I can’t wait to celebrate your special day with you when you come home <3